One semi-surviving photo from London, taken on my camera by a friend.
Last Monday, I walked the half hour up Calle Recaredo in Seville, Spain, to drop off my film at a lab in the historical center. I even had the conversation totally in Spanish, which is more a reflection of the worker’s patience than my actual ability (mental note: carrete, not caretta), but still, success! As I headed back to my apartment in the cool evening air, I was filled with anticipation and a tinge of impatience to see my photos, taken in Granada, Lisbon, and London.
Cherry blossoms in one of London’s beautiful parks.
About three days later, I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop when I received the scans. Only 17 files, weird. Usually, a roll of film will give you 36 photos, more or less. As the images started loading onto my phone, one by one, my heart dropped. Almost every single one of the photos had somehow been exposed to light, ruining the image. Those 19-odd scans I hadn’t received had been completely wiped. Failure.
I concluded that in my rush to switch out rolls on a London sidestreet, I must have accidentally popped open the door and systematically exposed almost every single frame to a ray of light coming through a gap small enough not to notice.
Average photo from the roll before editing, of the House of Parliament in London.
In the several days since that revelation, I have had plenty of time to ponder what to post about. Not only were these photos for myself, but I had a blog to write! I felt like I had wasted so much time and effort, not having a concrete final product to show for it. Failure.
A statue of suffragist leader Millicent Fawcett, “Courage calls to courage everywhere,” in Parliament Square, London.
This semester has taught me about success and failure in a lot of ways. I’m not working an internship. Classes are challenging, but grades come less frequently. So much of the success this semester isn’t easily quantifiable.
The only photo that escaped completely untouched, of one of the many flags flown in support of Ukraine in London.
What I’ve learned about success is that sometimes it’s subtle and experiential. Sometimes, success is enjoying a sobremesa. Sometimes it’s taking a long walk or planning a trip. Very often, it’s just working up the courage to talk to a stranger in Spanish.
The same Union Jack shown in the first photo.
I think most of all, success this semester is letting all that I get to experience shape me. That’s a hard thing, because I can’t check it off a to-do list. I have to make a conscious effort to accept every moment as it is, whether 2 p.m. standing by the ocean in Belfast or 2 a.m. working on the essay I put off to stand by the ocean in Belfast.
Westminster Hall in London.
When I go back to Nashville in May, I don’t want to just have cool stories and photos to show. I want to have grown in the way I see life, in cultural awareness, and in relationships with others. So, even though the loss of 30 photos still stings a little, the reality of how those experiences in Portugal, England, and Spain shaped my character and perspective is much more impactful than the small part I was able to visually capture.
Me taking a photo with my Minolta SRT-101 in the London Underground.
As many of us move into the last few weeks of our programs, we have the opportunity to not just see and do as much as we can but to intentionally reflect on what these past months have meant and how we want to finish the semester. I, for one, will be walking more slowly, practicing gratitude more consistently, and rewinding my film more carefully.